Preparing for Marriage

This week was bomb. Easily my favorite topic thus far. I felt it had a particular importance to my life, as well, I felt it added a lot of value to my life. There was a lot discussed, I had a lot of different thoughts, and will share some of the things that I actually learned this week. 

First I had always heard that opposites attract, which I still agree with in terms of personality. However my new thought is this. It is good to have different personalities, but you want someone who is similar in interests, goals, dreams, etc. That will make it a lot easier to be like minded and work on the same team. However there was a study done that taught that 10 differences in compatibility in a marriage is well on its way to divorce. However it said that the best marriages have at least 10 differences in compatibility. The difference is Communication. I love that. 

Next, Big and elaborate dates aren't idea. They make it hard to have frequent dates. Small and inexpensive are better, because of the frequency that is available. On same note, often times we think of dating as the process to find a spouse, and that is the main and only reason. However I learned that that thinking is short sided. Really dating provides a beautiful opportunity to grow in a ton of different aspects that will only make you a better spouse. 

I always felt like I understood the importance of dating, however my eyes were so opened this week. My professor Brother Williams is a full time marriage and family therapist, and he made a comment that changed my paradigm. He said when couples come in he will visit with them together for the first hour, then proceed to spend an hour with each separate. He will ask a lot of questions including their dating and how they came to know each other. He said that he can accurately predict what their marriage problems are by learning their pre marriage dating. That blew my mind, because that is where I am right now. The dating I do right now will have an impact for the rest of my life. I think it is common for young adults to not treat dating super serious, while it kind of really is.

In a talk President Oaks gave, he suggest that a proper date requires 3 things. It needs to be PLANNED, PAID, and PAIRED OFF. Well little did I know that a father has 3 main responsibilities. PROVIDE, PROTECT, and PRESIDE. All of those line up. As you plan dates you are learning to preside. As you learn to pay and prepare the resources for dates you are learning to provide. Lastly, as you pair off you are preparing to protect your future family. I LOVE that. 

The last thing was about the Relationship Attachment Model. It suggested that we come to KNOW someone more than we TRUST them. Then TRUST them more than we RELY. Then, RELY more then COMMIT, and then lastly, COMMIT more than we TOUCH. Often times young adults mess it up and skip to touch. That isn't the Lords way, and that isn't how to build a long lasting relationship. It didn't say how long that process usually takes, however I would be willing to bet that it's probably not on the first date. 

One of my take aways was one that I suck at dating haha. I need to be better at planning them. I need to be more creative as well. However my action item is; I have a list of 15 different areas I look at in a spouse. There is really 5 that have 3 sub categories each. Physical, Mental, Social, Intellectual, and Spiritual. Well we talked about how we need to go on a variety of dates so that we can see the other person in different situations. I want to have 5 go to dates for each category. To be able to learn about each area of them. I also am not the most creative person in the world, so it will be nice to have a reference when nothing comes super easy.